Eating Through Grief: Recognising the Connection
“I could never have predicted that I would struggle with food again”
TW: Grief and loss
Nothing could have prepared me for losing my dad in the space of 4 weeks. The impact it had on my relationship with food was significant, I’m opening up about it now because it’s a conversation that’s important to have.
The entire time he was ill and after we lost him I can honestly say honouring my health felt exhausting, the thought of cooking overwhelmed me, even shopping felt like an uphill struggle.
But despite the fact that nothing I cooked took longer than about 20 mins. I chose to order in more than ever before, I was still eating intuitively. To the outside world it looked as though I’d given up on myself but it was the exact opposite.
“the thought of cooking overwhelmed me”
I didn’t know it at the time but in those moments I was putting my mental health first and meeting my most basic need: enough food. I lost all desire for food pleasure and nutrition. I gave myself permission to eat in the easiest way and it was the healthiest choice in that moment.
If I had still been in a diet culture mindset I would have run towards disordered eating as hard as I could, simply to escape the pain and reality of it all.
This is the reason I fully explore the whole picture when I work with clients. The idea that people are lazy or don’t know how to eat healthily is ridiculous. Anyone who has ever dieted knows more about nutrition than they ever need to.
Clients come to me because they feel they eat too much or all the ‘wrong’ things but it doesn’t take long for me to help them see that they're not lazy, they are simply navigating life and I support them to have compassion for themselves and stop seeing intuitive eating as a tool to be a perfect eater.
But I also know the when you exist in a bigger body it's difficult to allow yourself any compassion because everywhere you turn our fatphobic culture reminds you that you're failing to 'follow the rules'
I want to remind you that those 'rules' are steeped in white supremacy, ableism, healthism and thin privilege.
Whatever you are going through, it's ok to simply feed yourself. Fat bodies have always existed and will always exist, your body is not the problem.
#wellness #mentalhealth #nutrition #dietculture #weightbias#griefandloss #intuitiveeating #antidietculture
(pic of me taking a step towards cooking again with the help of Katie from Good Evans Kitchen, cooking again with the support of someone else really helped me feel confident around food again)
Struggling to feel in control around food? hate how your body has changed since you stopped dieting? Book a chat with me and see how I can support you to let go of diet culture and untangle the idea that weight equals health (book a chat with me here)
“when you exist in a bigger body it’s difficult to allow yourself any compassion because everywhere you turn our fatphobic culture reminds you that you’re failing to ‘follow the rules’ ”