Why you can’t stop that mean girl in your head

I gave a talk to a group of women about body image and self worth during midlife and the menopause years.

I had 20 mins and I wanted them to walk away with a sense of how messed up it is that we are so conditioned because to hate our bodies and how to take steps towards quietening that negative voice in our head.

so I started with a simple exercise and asked them to think of a part of their body they hated

a part they hide away from view

a part that they would shrink or change if they could

within seconds there were women shouting out various body parts that they detested.

it took them nano seconds to get there

within seconds there were women shouting out various body parts that they detested.

next I asked them to look to the person next to them and pick out a body part of the other person and shout out what they should shrink, change or cover up

you could hear the gasps of horror at the thought of having to body shame someone next to them

and yet not one of them batted an eyelid when I asked them to do that exact same thing to themselves

that's how deeply normalised it is for us to berate and shame our own bodies.

Why is that? Short answer is the patriarchy, if you were socialised a s a woman growing up then you were taught to be small, pretty and pleasing and that came with a requirement of being thin.

You likely heard your moth body shame herself or other female members of your family AND often those comments were directed at you from well meaning (sometimes not so well meaning) members of the family who felt it would be perfectly acceptable to comment on your body.

Perhaps you are still surrounded by this now, so it’s no wonder your inner voice has only mean things to say.

Believe it or not that voice telling you that your thighs are too big or you look disgusting is actually trying to keep you safe, its trying to keep you away from doing anything that would have you rejected.

It can never truly go away but you can quieten it and learn to work with it so that you know when its simply being loud as a way to protect you.

At this event I shared my 6 step approach to unpacking body shame and quietening that mean girl in your head, if this is something you want to work on then book a call with me and get started today Book a chat

how would you have reacted to that small exercise? would you have found it easy to think of parts you hate about yourself?